Please allow me to brag. I have some pretty incredible people in my life. The kind of people who you can call at any hour and they will drop everything to help you. The kind of people that would be sitting next to you in jail (if it ever came to that). Some of them I’ve known my whole life, others from my teens, some from varsity, and even those I’ve know only a few months. Some are older than me, some younger, others I share DNA with. These are my friends. These are the people who would be those to tell you the truth no matter what. These are the people to make you cry through your tears. I never realised how much I needed them and how much they mean to me until recently. Don’t get me wrong, I have always loved and appreciated them but I did not realise how they would be my backbone, my support structure when i needed them the most. They are but a handful of people – but their strength, love, belief, intellect, wittiness and support is enough to fill a world.
With most areas of my life crumbling – or as most say “making space for new opportunities, people and experiences” (not exactly the thing you want to hear at this stage!) – I have had no option but to lean on my loved ones. For it to get better, it has to get a lot worse. I’ve almost been following the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross model (also known as the five stages of grief): denial – check, anger – check, bargaining – check, depression – check and acceptance – I really hope its now!
To paraphrase a friend “life is a valley full of peaks and valleys…what you’ve been through, though so so valid, is only one (admittedly deep) trough”. I’ve been through my own personal hell. I’ve experience the denial and anger (I quite enjoyed the anger). I’ve experience bargaining and most of all, depression. In my darkest days I’ve found solace in the words of my loved ones. In those days, I cried endlessly and craved isolation. Their words – sometimes messages from days or weeks before – pulled me out. Admittedly saying the words out loud (i.e. typing them out) was incredibly hard. I bared my soul and I am grateful they accepted me and helped me up. Simple phrases that meant so much… “I love you my friend and will be here for you whenever you need me”, “Thank you for your trust” and others which I would need to censor 😛
I’ve been showing signs of acceptance lately, but I know I would not have made it through without the amazing people on my journey with me. Ofcourse there are moments were I slip back into bargaining and depression but a note to my peeps gets replied with “Slap that part of you out”, “Do you want me to punch you in the face?”, “I think I really need to kick your ass for even thinking it,” and my favourite “I hate to break it to you but you are not Kerry Washington. You are not the fixer. You can not Olivia Pope the situation.” They are always willing to help..but they love their tough love.
In all honesty, I do not think I will be here today, writing this, if it weren’t for these superstars I have privilege of calling friends. They are more than friends. They are my family and I love them unconditionally. I really hope whoever reads this has the same support system – please don’t take it for granted…
I’ll end this with a quote from a friend who is incredibly wise beyond his years…“We all need to be carried sometime, but not all of us as strong enough to ask for a lift”. A huge thank you to my circle… I love each and every one of you so much. You guys make it all worth it.