My 2015? W.T.F.

It’s been a shitty year (to say the least) however, looking back its been a year of “growth” (thanks, P for that little nugget of wisdom!)… So instead of being remorseful and all “woe-is-me” about it, here are some of the things I’m thankful for…

Thanks 2015 for breaking me down and kicking my ass only to rebuild me into a stronger person – physically, emotionally, intellectually and mentally. 

  • Social Media Detox  

I am no longer on Facebook and, honestly, I’m a happier person without it. I’m still active on twitter, instagram but definitely NO Facebook for me, thanks. The constant social media comparison is torture for someone with negative self-esteem to start with and just sends me on a vicious hate-myself cycle.

 I do miss the “catching-up” with friends and family abroad and looking at their adventures yet I do also find an email, skype call, text is a lot more personal than a comment on a pic or a Facebook message.

  •  Therapy is freaking awesome

…and I NEVER EVER EVER thought I would say that. Voluntarily.

Therapy – as I heard someone say – “is like getting a PhD in yourself”. It is a ridiculously accurate description. And I know how “out there” it sounds. Talking to someone objective that helps me understand and logically work through my negative charged emotional “self-talk”. Having a professional guide me to notice my “triggers” has helped tremendously. As a dear friend – out of the blue – recently said to me “you look lighter and happy with yourself”.

My therapy experience, while still in the early stages, has been freaking wonderful for myself, my boundaries (still working on that one) and people-pleasing… And all this from someone who resisted it for years! I’m still very awkward about being open regarding my therapy (it’s the type A personality and seeing it as failure, I guess) but it helps. Everyone should go!

There is something equally scary and exhilarating yet “free-ing” about being so open and vulnerable with a stranger. Its even worse when you’re not numbing the pain with drugs, shoving your emotional issues deep down in the recesses of your mind, distracting yourself with other things, putting on a brave face…those were my coping strategies and well they ALL BLEW UP IN MY FACE AND BROKE ME towards the end of 2014 – so its all full circle, I suppose.

  •  There are some people in your life that you don’t need.

Without them you are stronger: physically, emotionally, mentally, morally, ethically. Cut them off. Its one of the hardest things to do but necessary. You’ll notice the difference…chances are you are the one keeping the friendship alive anyway and they only contact you when they need help.

On that note, people who think being nice etc. is “odd” have bigger, deeper issues. And I don’t have time for their shit. The world needs compassion but not people abusing the good of others.

  •  Live in the moment in whatever you do.

I’m still learning this –mindfulness/meditation is recommended (except I am useless at it) and I’ve got a hell of a long way to go! My mind is constantly working and is very restless.

 The past is the past – learn from your mistakes and experiences and live completely in the present while planning – not worrying – about the future. I still find trying to not worry about the future incredibly difficult (especially in my political climate – thanks JZ for our three finance ministers in five days) but I am trying.

  • When all else fails…you’re exhausted, anxious yet drained (physically, emotionally, intellectually) and all you want to do is get into bed pull up the covers and sleep… go get your ass kicked in the gym with (or by) a friend.

All that nervous energy will dissipate if you push hard enough and you’ll laugh by the extent of your conversations…ranging from burning questions from favourite series  (I still maintain Jon Snow is NOT DEAD!) and “what do you mean you’ve NEVER had a Reese’s peanut butter cup” to “we need to work on that Kim K ass!” (and we’ve had “squat sessions” and lunges at work)…

As my friend, C, constantly tells me “don’t think about – just drive there, change and hop onto treadmill”. I’ve never been an exercise fan, I was pretty useless at playing sport (watching sport, though, is a completely different story) but I do now recognize the physical and mental benefits.

  • Find an outlet, creative or not…just something you can express yourself with.

I have never realized how beneficial it is for me to write about what is bugging me, how I feel, working through the myriad of thoughts in my mind and just the occasional rant. It clears my head so much and helps me formulate opinions and ideas without bugging my loved ones at odd hours hoping they are free to hear me out!

So farewell and thank you, 2015.

Thank you for the breakdowns and breakthroughs. 

Thank you for making me face my fears and deepest darkest secrets. 

Thank you for kicking my ass. 

Here’s to 2016. 

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Author: kusha

Growing up in the global village...

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