2017: My Fresh Start?

One of the things from 2016 that I would like to let go off is being used by people.

I always want to see and believe the best in people – even when they have shown me their true colours. It’s like in my mind I need to always be available to help them – I make myself more important than I actually am. And I ALWAYS put them first – regardless of time of day or my responsibilities… they are my priority. I give them my all and am always left broken-hearted, discarded.

But its got to change. Like a lot in my life ,intellectually I know better but I’m too attached emotionally. It’s a vicious cycle. A cycle where I devalue myself and raise others up, a cycle in which I give too much of myself to people who don’t really bother if I exist or not on most days.

I know what I want in my life – and by allowing myself to be walked all over, I’m never going to be happy or satisfied if I continue this pattern. I know this. My friends (well, the ONE person who knows about the situation) knows this – and for all his hard work and advice, I just don’t seem to listen.

Yes, I love them and want to be with them – have a loving, supportive relationship – but it won’t happen this way. I doubt they love me – hell, or even like me. They know I can’t say no and will always be there to take care of them. It’s the easy option.

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It has to STOP.

The way I’m doing it? No contact…. I’ve stopped communicating. It’s been a few days now, (4 days to be exact) and I won’t lie, it hurts. Especially since there has been no communication from their side. Like I don’t exist. The usual. It’s expected.

I need to break free and focus on my life and what I want in my life. They have taken up too much of my energy, time and emotion. It’s time to value myself more: put me first. (Sounds selfish but hey, giving freely of myself has not worked).

It’s time to value myself more: put me first. Yes, I admit that sounds selfish but hey, giving freely of myself has not changed the situation. Being an option to people who are your priority will never end well for you. I’ve learned this over and over and over and over again. It reminds me of the the Albert Einstein quote “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result”. 

It’s high time to let go of these relationships (if thats what it is)!

Lets hope 2017 brings love, happiness and success…

k x

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