This is something paraphrased from my Instagram which I recently posted… but I think it is necessary here as well.
To my loved ones:
I must apologize.
It’s no secret that I’ve had the WORST past few weeks, if not months.
I was an angry bitch for about two weeks… and only one of those weeks could be attributed to hormones….before which I was just sad.
I could feel myself falling into deep despair, struggling to keep afloat…
Life is hard when you forgo your wellbeing – physical, mental, emotional – to take care of others. My body, my spirit have taken a beating this year and I’ve tried to be ok with it. But I can’t.
After I failed horribly at a hot yoga session (as in sat out of the whole floor series), went home and cried for what felt like the millionth time, I had a light-bulb moment.
I took responsibility for my behavior, apologizing to those I lashed out too and realized that I need to take care of “me”. This past week was better than the weeks prior but I still have a long ass way to go.
Yes I’m overwhelmed – too much to do, too little time – and emotional…. but right now it is the best I can do, for me.
Please be patient with me – I am my own worst critic and I don’t know how to fix it.
Every month around my gran’s death day I slump badly; I miss her terribly and I know she’ll want me to be happy but it is so freaking hard. So, so hard. But I am trying to be ok.
I’m trying to learn to “dance in the rain”.
This quote is something to remind me to let go of my own need for perfection and expectation. I need to be that free kid again… doing what I love, not because I am obliged to… I need to stop the self-hate and self-criticism.
I need to smile from my soul again.
I’m so grateful for you rockstars in my life.
Thank you for being there and helping me be me again.