I have not written in a few months. I’ve wanted to multiple times, but unfortunately could not bring myself to do so.
My last post was about my gran dying.
On the 11th of February 2017, I watched my gran take her last breath. It was the culmination of two weeks of torture for me – watching her decline very fast. I am fortunate I could spend the last two days by her side, talking to her (she was in a comatose state).
As with most “traumatic” events in my life, I reverted to my default mechanism. Shut off the emotions and get stuff done. It is what I do. As a Hindu, there are a number of rituals we go through, which I followed for my gran. So I was pretty busy getting things sorted and making sure everyone was ok.
However, like all things that we try to ignore and not deal with… they come out raging, when we least expect it.
It has been 4 months since my gran left and I miss her.
Every. Single. Damn. Day.
I love you my Nans so much and miss her terribly.
It is heart wrenching – i just want to talk to her, discuss politics and sports with her, let her go off on tangents an ask me the same question in the space of a few hours.
As I write this I am crying…it is hard for me to “open” up about it… my grief is raw and I don’t like being vulnerable. Maybe someday I will write more about it – but not now. I hope this post will get me writing again – I miss it.